Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.
you. are. my. hero.
This post is dedicated solely to the employee working at the most hated telphone network in the world, selling his soul in return for minimum wage and no promise of promotion. Here’s to you, David:
I outsmarted you, David Heggins. I know you’ve been trained in mind control and have an affinity for preying on people’s ignorance and fear, but I beat you this time. I don’t care for your rhetoric or the way you politely ask “How can I help you today?” because we all know your underlying message is “How much money can I swindle out of this poor, helpless girl?” Your lifeless eyes give you away. Your cell phone service is overpriced and temperamental at best, but you’ve drawn me in with a 2 year contract and a service that (supposedly) operates in the “remotest” of areas (read: Gainesville, FL). You should be ashamed of your blatant employment of cheap gimmicks.
I didn’t purchase your convoluted international plan that charges me whether I use my phone or not, and look at me now. I’m practically the poster child of rising above oppression, writing a tell-all blog about your useless manipulation….. because I outsmarted you. I knew exactly what I was doing when I flipped my hair and asked you to double check the international rates without buying a formal plan. You gave me your business card in case I had any more questions, but I took your card to add to my “people I’ve outsmarted” collage hanging in my room, next to the door. You were victim numero uno, Dave. Can I call you Dave? Oh, sure I can.
That Rocky-esque lap around the building shouldn’t be considered gloating. I was simply expressing my condolences for all the spirits you’ve managed to crush under the weight of exploitation and exorbitant taxes and fees. Plus, “We are the Champions” was playing in the background of my David and Goliath mental flashback.
Good day, Dave.
my heart stops every time the chorus comes in with that sorrowful, “I can’t make you love me”….bon iver, you can and you did. that falsetto can melt the hardest of hearts.
shopping for a relationship.
I just stumbled across an old journal from middle school, while organizing the skeletons in my closet. After examining more intently, a strip of paper slipped out of the perfectly-guarded, tangible extension of my heart. I unfolded it and realized I had essentially happened upon the pot of gold at the end of my teenage, hormone-laden rainbow. It read loud and clear, “Qualities I look for in a Guy.” I’m almost sure I constructed this extensive list on my brief stint in Youth Group, because at sleepovers my friends and I were generally committing small misdemeanors rather than quietly penning notes about love (read: prank calling the police department).
In youth group, I quickly learned the dynamics of dating, and interacting with boys for that matter, was more about window-shopping for a mate who contained all the specifications that you found agreeable. If not, you don’t buy the appliance. This skill has proven invaluable in keeping the opposite gender away with a force field that rivals the most powerful armies in the world.
And then one day, I’m not sure which day it was; I realized that this mentality wasn’t real. I apologize to those who feel like I just told you Santa Clause is a figment of your imagination, but you’re old enough to hear this. How dangerous it is to approach dating like a single-priced buffet where you pick and choose the qualities you desire in your partner, like you are taking the mashed potatoes and holding on the steamed carrots. I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve thought this for far too long, but I’m beginning to see the beauty in enjoying life together, in learning to love rather than checking boxes on a “things I look for in a guy” list. Honestly, the only two things that really matter are how your potential mate loves God, and how they love you. So sit back and sip on a nice, cool glass of imperfection at its finest.
To save myself from shame, I won’t list the qualities on my old list for you, but as a consolation prize for sticking it out during my ramblings, you can have a sneak peek of my revised Declaration of In(ter)dependence.
1. Not opposed to building a tent in the living room to have a better place to quote Arrested Development episodes.
2. Can break it down on the dance floor.
3. Humor. It makes up for almost every shortcoming.
I think that about covers it, folks.
But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.
I’m not going to get into a huge spiel about the power of positive thinking, but sometimes it’s just great to reflect on the beautiful little blessings that life offers us as a consolation gift for being so hard. Who can’t relate to the sensation of the cold side of the pillow and the grown-up feeling you get when you drink milk out of a wine glass? AWESOME.
Mumford & the french language. La Blogotheque’s take away shows never cease to amaze me.